Tuesday, May 18, 2010

People Who Suck

You may be starting to look at anything with “Ellie” on it as ridiculous and completely unhelpful. But this is just a real list of people who suck out good Karma like a vacuum. There will be no references to shark tanks, digestive issues, or outer space. This is serious stuff. *giggles*

People who only speak in third person. If Lisa comes up to you and says, “Lisa needs to get some food, she’s positively starved,” she’d better be talking about her crazy Aunt Lisa, whom she was named after. Otherwise, she is a jerk-face and one to be thrown in a shark tank.

People who turn statements into questions. I am NOT exaggerating; today I went shopping with a girl who phrased everything as a question in the most conceited way the human brain can come up with. Here are some ACTUAL transcripts from our conversation:

Holly: “Why do I look so fabulous in this dress?”

Me: “Because it’s cut nicely.”

-Ten Minutes Later-

Holly: “Why was this necklace practically made for my neck?”

Me: “Oh umm, I have no idea. Complementary colors, I guess.”

-Five Minutes Later-

Holly: *Looks at my outfit* “Oh goodness no!” *Proceeds to take jacket away from me* “But, why do I look like a model in this?”

Me: *Realizes she is the character set of Mean Girls incarnated* “I have to go. I’m having digestive issues.”

People who, compulsively, One-Up you.

You: “I just got a new puppy! Isn’t that so exciting?”

Friend: “Oh *yawns* greeeat. I just got a new Griffon.”

You: “Do those exist?”

You: “My parents got me tickets to a concert for graduation!”

Friend: “Mine bought me tickets to board a Space Shuttle. They say it’s chilly in near Uranus.”

You: “Can they do that?”

People who lie. Like saying they’re not going to mention shark tanks, digestive issues, or outer space.
-Ellie. ..who is number four but does not suck.

1 comment:

  1. you know what's even worse than people who talk in third person all the time? people who refer to YOU in third person all the time. they suck.