Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Ellie's Got Talent

I'm useless. I contribute nothing to the world.

I came to this realization when my younger sister fixed my dads computer, and proceeded to write her own music when she was done. I had to admit (begrudgingly) that the computer worked perfectly and her music sounded amazing. The next day we learned that she was one of the top four graduating seniors in her school. The day after that she, once again, displays that she has the best sense of direction of anyone I know. She is her own personal Mapquest. I'm surrounded by people with talent coming from their ears. They sing, dance, play sports, display their mathematical genius, and cook like gourmet chefs.

And then there's me.

Last time I tried to dance, I sprained my ankle. When I was singing loudly in my room, my mom ran in and asked me why I was screaming and if I needed to go to the hospital. I wasn't allowed to use the stove alone until I was 17, because so many things would end up on fire. And I am so pathetically clumsy, a tennis racket becomes a weapon in my hands. No exaggeration. So I'm on a quest to find myself a talent. You can come with me on that journey if you would like.

Here are my efforts so far.

1. Juggling. Okay, I know this doesn't really coincide with my clumsiness, but I figured it was work a shot. As it turns, it was not worth a shot. I was pathetic, and by the time I was done I was also injured. And in hindsight, I shouldn't have used eggs.

2. Dog Whisperer. After watching The Dog Whisperer, I thought to myself, "I can do that!" In fact, no. I tried for hours to get my dog to listen to me. My efforts to get my German Shepard to roll over, ended with a look from her that could only be interpreted as, "You are seven shades of stupid." At that point I agreed.

3. Comedian. I tried to integrate comedy into all my conversations, but as it turns out, I'm about as funny as Infectious diseases. That is, not even the tiniest fraction. Apparently,
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Banana who?"
"Banana who?"
"Banana who?!"
"Orange who?"
"Orange you glad I didn't say, 'Banana?'"

...stopped being funny in first grade.

4. Make-up Artist. This didn't really work out in my favor. I thought I looked okay, but when I went downstairs, my mother asked why I looked like a prostitute. At first I thought, "at least I have a specific look, right?!" But I thought about it for 37 seconds and realized that being asked how much I cost an hour is not a good thing by any means.

So after two days, I still have noting that resembles a talent whatsoever. I'll keep working on it, and keep you all informed of my progress. If you have anything that I can try out, leave it in the comments.



  1. You have an excellent talent in writing :)

    Although, I find myself in exactly the same predicament.

  2. Your extreme writing talent makes this post extraordinarily ironic. :D

    At least you don't have the opposite problem- being talented at so many things that you can't pursue any one of them, and ending up being mediocre at everything. Or, maybe that's the same problem. If so, count me in. :D

  3. yeah, your writing talent is awesome!! and it's hard to hurt yourself when writing, which is why i stick to that talent too :D

  4. *sniffles* thanks guys! You're so nice!
    @rebel- doesn't it stink
    @feathers-lucky! I wish I had toms of talent like you!
    @Christina- agreed. Writing = safe