Saturday, July 17, 2010

Blogging The Hunger Games: Part 2

Chapters 2&3
Title: "Suzanne, You Beeaach, You Lied To Me"

Dear Suzanne,
First of all, let me just say that I'm a huge fan! Second, What the heck were you thinking? How could you lie to me like that? I was all ready for Prim to go into the Hunger Games since we don't really need her. Then, Katniss was supposed to use her powers of sabotage and subterfuge (and possibly x-ray vision) to destroy to entire Capitol. Now I'm stuck reading a chapter that keeps making my dog cry. (I certainly did not leave that puddle of tears on my pillow.) Don't get me wrong, you're still a genius, and are poised to become the next Author-Turned-Billionaire. Next time, though, kill off the right person.


So this part of the book starts off with Katniss realizing that Prim's name has been called to enter the competition as a tribute. The chances were I in a million but it happened. ThunderKat pushes her little sister back and runs up in her place as a volunteer. She, in essence, volunteers to die for her sister. The lump in my throat becomes so large that I need to hear Miley Cyrus say that she is "Deeper than most people," to get myself laughing again.

Noooooooooooooooooooo! Katniss don't go. Just get a bow and arrow and slaughter all your foes right here, right now! I can't believe this is happening. I haven't been this sad since they killed off Charlie on Lost.

Since the Capitol forces everyone to treat this as an honor and not a Death March, it is customary that the crowd claps after a tribute is chosen. The crowd, though, is dead silent. It's a silent move that says that what is happening to the girl in front of them is wrong. That they don't condone it. Then, in her own words, "...a shift has occurred since I stepped up to take Prim's place...At first one, then another, then almost every member of the crowd touches the three middle fingers of their left hand to their lips and holds it out to me. It's an old and rarely used gesture of our district, occasionally used at funerals. It means thanks. It means admiration. It means goodbye to someone you love."

Uh, can you hold on a second? My face seems to be leaking. I don't think this is normal. All the leakage just drowned my basement. Crying? No! I just have spastic tear ducts; its a medical condition!

After I picked myself off of the ground, quieted my sobs, and finished my second round of "Hush Little Baby," I continued reading.

They announce the male tribute and it's Peeta Mellark. Yes, he has a stupid name. Yes it's joining Katniss and Chip on the "Names I Like Less Than Spot But More Than Gunther" list. But I'll give him a chance.

Katniss doesn't know him well, but recognizes him for a kindness he showed her when they were younger. Once, when Katniss was about to starve to death, she was rummaging through the trash cans behind the bakery. The Baker's wife told her to get lost. But the Baker's son, Peeta, burned two large loaves of bread on purpose so he would be told to give them to the pig. He was beaten badly for his "clumsiness" but that enabled him to feed Katniss and keep her alive. *Que a round of 'Awwwwws'* She never got to say thank you and didn't think the words would be appropriate now that she was going to try to slit his throat.

Ah, a book where you must die in place of your sissy poo while simultaneously trying to kill the reason you're alive. Good Times! I'm glad the subject matter isn't too deep!

This book is the shiz...and by the shiz, I mean it's awesomesauce...and by awesomesauce, I mean it's bombtastic...and by bombtastic, I mean it's on a groove train to Razzle Dazzle City. I'm thinking about drawing the cover of the book on my forehead in Crayola marker to represent my commitment to the book. (Which is, strong and slightly embarrassing, but not permanent.) That or decorating my room in weaponry and animal corpses. It's a little macabre, but it's so Katniss. I looove that Ms. Collins made our protagonist a killer of fuzzy creatures. She had me at "bow and arrow."

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go to the local Sheriff's Department and YMCA and explain why my sudden interest in archery is in no way connected to the random attack of the school bully via arrow.

Prediction: I still hold to my last prediction that Katniss learns she has super powers and that she kicks the peacekeepers in the groins using a roundhouse kick that would made Chuck Norris wince.


P.S. If you're thinking of bringing up to your Barista that the reason she's writing Katniss on your cup is because you're honorarily named after the girl "who shoots bunnies in the eye," she may or may not call resteraunt security. Or undercover task-force. Whatevs.

No comments:

Post a Comment