Thursday, August 12, 2010

Apples, Apathy, and Life Lessons While Blogging

So I've been blogging and writing articles for Sparklife for a few months now and you'd be surprised at how much you learn about yourself by doing this. Here are just a few of those things.

Note: This is not a stream of consciousness post...I'm not that deep.

1.) I am a stalker. Most bloggers have a sense of pride, dignity, and decorum. I have none of those things, so it is no big deal for me to admit that I obsess over every post I write. On Sparknotes, I practically have every comment on The Ellie Report series memorized. Before I got that series I would run around and scream in happiness each time I was told I was being published. I don't know when I became this crazy but here I am.

2.) Being funny is SO HARD. Getting lucky with a couple posts is one thing, but deliberately putting in the effort to make people laugh every week is harder than I imagined. It's not that its hard to make a joke. The hard part comes in when trying to come up with a creative, interesting idea, and to weave humor throughout a cohesive, readable article. It's easy to make a fart joke; it's hard to make a fart joke 600 words long. It is also becoming clear to me that I have an odd sense of humor. I think its super funny to analyze songs and rip them to shreds, but a lot of people are curious to why I would try to look deeply at the meaning of a pop song. Sometimes the joke works; most times it doesn't. Either way, I LOVE WRITING THEM.

3.) I like swivel chairs. I've written at home, at work, at the coffee shop, and while driving. (I don't recommend the last one.) The place I love to write most is work because of the swivel chairs. Maybe I'm Dr. Evil, but there is nothing more delightful than being able to move in any direction I want, WHENEVER I feel like it. It's a small, but liberating freedom.

4.) No one cares. I don't mean this in a misanthropic way. I just mean that if I tell you that I finally beat Jumpstart 3rd Grade, there's only so much happiness you can have for my small victory before you call me an idiot. By the way, even after 12 years, that's still my favorite game.

5.) Mundane topics become viable writing subjects. When you start looking at things from a writers point of view, you realize how many things there are to write about. (Not that I consider myself a writer. I'm not that conceited. I guess the term "girl with a computer, schizophrenia, and a lot of coffee" is more accurate than "writer.") If you see a girl walking down the street with purple hair and a pet wombat, you instantly have 5 ways you can incorporate her in the essay you're writing. You can easily think of her hair as a metaphor for the breakdown of families in Western Civilization, and her wombat as some sort of physical representation of deforestation. Basically, writing makes it easy to make outrageous leaps of logic with little or no facts. For example: People who eat apples are 35% more likely to die in the Southern Hemisphere. See how easy it is!

6.) When you sleep, you grow by about 8mm (0.3in). The next day you shrink back to your former height. The reason is that your cartilage discs are squeezed like sponges by the force of gravity when you stand or sit. You may be thinking, "Ellie, dear, how does this relate to things you learned while writing?" The answer is this: I started writing this post and then left to google this fact. Then I came back and continued to write. Hence, it is something I learned while writing.

If you hate my enlightening post, at least you can come away saying that you learned something.

So there are a few things that I've learned while blogging. There are a million more things, but people are starting to get pissed that I'm "wasting time and resources" (whatever) so that's all I've got for now.

If you can, make a response post and tell me what you've learned while blogging/vlogging/eating mac and cheese.

-Enlightened Ellie

P.S. Up next: more Blogging the Hunger Games! Unless you hate that I blog that book...then just read the previous sentence without an exclamation.


  1. Being funny CAN be hard, Ellie. Here's what I've found; it's a lifestyle. You have to BREATH funny. If you listen/watch/read all serious stuff, then you're going to need to be really genius to be funny. But if you just get yourself in the zone, you're set. Each joke isn't like having labor (and don't you dare tell me I shouldn't know what having labor is like!).
    So yeah. One of the many things I've noticed.
    But yes, I thank the fates that I got an easy column like Blogging Wuthering Heights. If I had to blog on a different topic every week like you, I think I'd commit hara-kiri with a piece of fruit, and do you know what THAT's called? Hara-kiwi. Hahahahaha. Haha. Ha. Ahhhhh I'm hilarious. Yep.

  2. Nice insight to your blogging and posts, Ellie! :D After reading your post and Scott's comment, I feel like I've just observed two brilliant comedic minds share their secrets to comedy. Sadly, it must have been written in invisible code between the text, because I got nothing from it.
    I guess I'll just keep on being non-funny yet slightly clever, and let the masters work.

    I've learned a lot while while blogging, mostly that I'd better write while I'm in the writing mood, because it comes and goes. Also, I've learned I have a lot more to learn than I thought I did-- but isn't all learning like that?

    Oh and...Jumpstart is a great series, but I prefered the Cluefinders 3rd Grade game. I played that for hours on end. Until the CD broke. Five years later.

  3. I love learning things about myself. Its like a little lightbulb goes on over my head and the lightbulb looks at me, and says "Yo, kid," (it has a Brooklyn accent for some reason; don't question it), "You know what you are?" And I say "What?! What am I Mr. Lightbulb?!" And the lightbulb says, "You.. you are one of those people who ." And I'm like "AHH! I AM."

    That was slightly off topic. Sorry. But I felt I had to get it out into the open.

  4. Whoa, that got cut out. It was "You.. you are one of those people who {insert quirky action here}."